Glee-cap: And with that, order has been restored! (Truth.)
Welcome back, Gleeks! My, did those summer months fly by. It feels like just yesterday we were watching Lea Michele's overly expressive face takeover the stage at ol' McKinley High. And now, we're back and will have a musical throwdown to see who gets the task this year! No need to delay the inevitable then: let's get to the roses, thorns and recappy goodness, shall we?
Roses to Jacob's blog: Welcome back gang! This little video catch-ups may be one of my favourite things.
Thorns to the buff new guy: Ugh. No merci. Hot bod and all but I'm not feeling it.
Roses to mommy Sue: Finally Sue's got another wheelhouse. Dear writers: please give her some consistency this season.
Most likely to be mistaken for Penn Badgley: Mr. Shuester. What is uppppp with that hair?!
Hard truths: Sorry Tina, there is no way you're a contender for the role of "new Rachel." (In fact, only Darren Criss' Blaine is the only one with enough charisma to maybe get the job - but he's too nice for it.)
Quote of the night: "I never pass up on an opportunity to judge people." No one does, Artie. No one.
Song of the summer: Not that we needed Glee to confirm it, but well, it's nice to make it official. "Call Me Maybe" was 100 per cent the song of the summer. Thanks Carly Rae Jepsen!
Thorns to the writers: Apparently there's one kind of b*tch that they know and can write. Snore. This Kitty cattiness is going to get tired fast.
Poor man's Blake Lively alert! Sophomore Marley (soon-to-be-known as New Rachel, right??) totally looks like pre-nose job Lively and has a similiar facial expressions and line delivery circa The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Roses: To a new parent-child combo that's going to make us shed tears this season. Understanding, real, mother-daughter combo?! I'm buying.
Sexiest fishnets in prime time: Seriously, Kate Hudson. Those stems. If there was ever time to feel badly about sitting in front of a TV, it's watching her mash-up dance number. Hot enough to make me ignore the mega auto-tuning.
Glee club auditions > American Idol auditions: Fact.
Roses: Heaps of them for just Jake. Is it inappropriate for me to agree with the "so sexy" status? Because I do. (Also, we know the last name right? Starts with a "P" obviously.)
It's too bad about that jaunty cap: Because Marley's killlllling Billy Joel. (And I'm sticking with my Lively comparison even more now.)
Question: Shouldn't New Directions be taking on as many new talented people as possible? Weren't they continually having head count issues in past years? ONE measly new member?! I call foul.
Blaine's bow tie count: Eeeps! I totally forgot about it until that ugly olive-brown tweed one. Who's got the tally? Hit the comments stat!
Thorns: To whomever decided kids in high school still jump double dutch in small town America. Sure, I'm Canadian and have no firsthand experience (and never even attended public school) but I'm skeptical.
Roses: For moving Rachel to New York and making her a little insecure. She's the least annoying she's been in years. And there's a little less Lea Michele over-facing even!
More hard truths: I kiiiind of miss drippy doofy Finn. Not as much as Rachel Berry clearly does with all those wistful iPhone photo scrolling moments, but the guy appears to have an irreplaceable charm.
Tears welling already: World's greatest dad. Kurt really does have him. It makes my heart hurt a little.
Roses and a small swoon: Awww, Trouty Mouth. You're dreamy and a sweetheart.
Best use of a Maury guest's line: "You don't know me." Jake Puckerman, you're one paternity test away from Maury's stage.
SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WITH THE JAUNTY CAP? Must all Glee kids have a signature accessory?
Wardrobe awards: To Brittany's black "Chasing Pavements" ensemble.
Roses for reality: All Rachel Berrys need their gay BFFs-turned-roomies in NYC with them.